It’s not me, it’s you…😁

So, humm, I’m still not sure if this one is a good or a bad idea. It’s a very personal topic, but I suppose my blog is quite personal,really. So here goes… P.S. I’d rather you don’t bring up this post up during face-to-face conversation with me if we’re not really close… it could get really awkward really fast. Lol. Happy reading. ❤️

So, em, for this post I was gonna write about heart-break, as cliché and sappy as that is.

Firstly, I’d like to point out that I’m young and naive. I’m still pretty dumb and I feel I’m quite an uncool, nervous wreck that laughs a LOT at duck jokes. 🐣 I believe right now that, I know what being heart-broken feels like. Maybe, quite possibly though, I don’t have any idea and life still has to come along and f*#k me right up before I find out. Who knows?

What I do know is that whatever I’ve felt before hurts. It hurts a lot. I’ve been told by many ‘wise’ adults that falling in love, whatever that really is, at my age, 19; feels like the end of the world. I hope that falling so hard for someone too fast is just a phase and that I’ll grow out of it? ‘Cause, whoever gave me that little insight, is totally right. As much as it pains me to admit this publicly, it absolutely does feel like the end of the world.

Nothing, not the tears, ice-cream, long-runs, chocolate, best friend night-time calls for hours, heartbreak movies and music, nothing helps to forget the sadness. That horrible, uncomfortable, sad feeling in the pit of your stomach is just dulled for a while. It’s still there, though! For what seems like an eterrnity, it stays.

I am totally aware, and absolutely appreciate the matter that there is so much other tough things being faced by so, so many people around the world. I understand that in compared to what someone else might be going through, your ‘heart-break’ may seem trivial. Don’t think this way, please? I am a strong believer that, everyone is facing some kind of battle in their lives and everyone’s pain is just as relevant. ‘Heart-break’ hurts!

  • Just to note: I’m putting ‘Heart-break’ into inverted commas, ’cause I think it’s a word that means a lot of different things to a lot of different people and everyone conceptualizes the definition differently.

“Telling me that I can’t be sad because someone else has it worse is the same as telling me that I can’t be happy because someone else has it better.”

I’m not really sure if there is a cure to ‘heart-break’- except for time. Like I said, I’m not even entirely sure what I’ve gone through is the extent of the ‘heart-break’ that I will inevitably feel as I get older. I’m not really sure of a lot of things except that I hope it doesn’t get much worse!

All I know is that the sun always reappears eventually and almost everything seems a little brighter in the morning after a good night’s sleep and lastly, a questionable ‘glass’ of wine is never a bad idea. 💛

Quite some time back I was feeling quite sorry for myself, cuddled in jammies, in bed with my teddy, trawling the internet for ‘heart-break’ remedies and I stumbled upon this letter to some bodies’ ex boyfriend’s new girlfriend. It wasn’t exactly relevant but I just loved it and the underlying hurt and anger that this (presumable) girl felt provided some comfort. Just knowing that I wasn’t the only person feeling a bit shit. (As so unbelievably self-centred as that sounds!) 😑

Enjoy dwelling on the feelings of hatred, sadness and rage for a minute… ❤️❤️❤️😉 :

I know why you fell for him. His eagerness to share everything about his childhood, his family, his fears, his aspirations. He didn’t play games with you. He texted you when he was free and he let you know when he was busy.He sat with you forehead to forehead telling you that he’s over “playing around” and that all he wants is to fall in love—with you. He swears he’s never felt the way he does now. But what you don’t know yet is that he’s into playing around with your heart.
He’s good at making you feel special. He’s amazing at drawing you in. But this is what he does. His passions are tidal waves that take him over. He won’t think about anything else other than what he’s focused on at that moment in time. And right now you’re it. You’re his obsession. He doesn’t think about anything that isn’t you and you feel chosen, you feel special, you feel unique, and you feel loved in a way you didn’t know was possible.
It doesn’t last. He can’t focus his attention on you forever. He’ll move on to something new, and he won’t kick you out of his life, but you’ll start to wonder what you did wrong. You’ll wonder if it’s just your relationship calming down, or if he’s starting to forget how brilliantly he used to believe you shined.
Don’t let it hurt you. Don’t let it deter you.
He probably still loves you. When he commits to something he sees it through until the bitter end. He loves passionately. But when he stops prioritizing you, you’ll have to figure out if he’s all that you thought he was.
Here’s what you deserve: His attention. His affection. His time. His patience. His support.
Here’s what you don’t deserve: A relationship maintained through text messages. His uncertainty of whether he has time to see you. His anxiety upon “having” to plan dates with you. Having conversations consistently turned away from you to focus back on him.
You deserve more than the man I used to know. And I hope that you not only know that, but that you don’t need to know that, because that man doesn’t exist anymore.
I can’t say that I was thrilled when I learned he was seeing someone new, but I can say that I sincerely hope you’re the one for him. I hope you teach him how to love you consistently, and appropriately. I hope that when he tells you he loves you, he actually believes it. I hope he doesn’t bring tears to your eyes regularly, and I hope you make him smile that wide, unbelievably genuine smile that I will always remember in the back of my mind.
And, if it turns out that you two are not meant to be, I hope you aren’t broken by him. There will be others who prove themselves to be worthy of your love. He might need more time to figure out exactly what he wants, to learn how to balance his passions, and to realize that the word “love” should not be so easily given and taken. It won’t be your fault if he hasn’t figured this out yet.
Take care of him because he might be worth it. Take care of yourself because you definitely are.  

-I think I’ll always hate you just a little though. Good luck hun.  Much love, actually, not that much love,

Kimbo. xxx

While, I’m not even sure anything that I’ve just written is relevant to anybody reading this, I hope it is because otherwise, this is just really, really embarrassing. If it is even somewhat relevant, I’m sorry and I hope things work out for the best, either way. Although I don’t think  I have advice worth even listening to, the one thing that I 100% believe is; that happiness is the best form of revenge! Better yourself, For you though. Nobody else. ❤️

If none of this is relevant, I would appreciate if you don’t judge me for how weird I am and still love me unconditionally…?  😁😂❤️🙊

The expected thing for me to say now is: “Don’t worry, there are still plenty of fish in the sea.” However, I think that there is little that is much less comforting than this statement. Being an avid Disney fan an’ all , Instead, I will rather advise you to ‘Just keep swimming.’  💧 🐟  🐠  🐋  🐳  🐬  🐙  🐡  🐚  🐢

So for now, Just keep swimming  ❤️ and of course,

Smile Always,

Kim. X 🌼

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Love your body week❤️

“To me, beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It’s about knowing and accepting who you are.” – Ellen Degeneres ✨

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Okay, so I was going to do a blog post for ‘Love your body week’ in Maynooth; which was last week. However, exams are soon approaching and I’ve been super busy so I’m a week late in posting this. Regardless, I’m still going to write about it because I think that low self-esteem and body confidence are huge issues in today’s society.

Around the time just before the Leaving Cert I lost a little too much weight. I just don’t eat much when I get stressed. My BMI fell to 18, which is considered under weight. I started noticing that I was getting a lot of compliments on how ‘good ‘I was looking and how nice my figure was. At first I was happy but, the more I thought about it, the sadder I felt. I began to realise that my weight – under weight, was seen as the ‘ideal’ body shape. People complimented me most at a time in my life when I was unhealthily thin and pretty unhealthy in general, both physically and mentally. Our society has constructed this ‘perfect’ body image that is so unrealistic that people have begun to think that being unhealthy and under weight is beautiful. Obviously, I’m not speaking on behalf of everyone and of course, there were lots of people who told me I needed to put on weight but, for the most part, that was my experience and it just always stuck with me.

I’m not really too sure how exactly to love my body. I suppose it’s something that will come with time but for now, it is something that I am still trying to figure out. I think everyone has some insecurities. I, personally don’t believe that there is anyone who is 100% happy with themselves and every feature of their body. I think that’s just normal and a fact of life. Nobody’s perfect, right?

Wrong. Everyone is perfect, or should at least believe that they are perfect, just the way they are. I think that there is always room to improve yourself. Read books, pick up/ improve at a skill or hobby. Be kinder. None of these being a physical change. I do believe that exercise and a balanced diet are important, and are major contributing factors to one’s mental health as well as physical, but I personally think that far too much attention and time is spent focusing on the way we look.

I feel like now I’m not making sense and contradicting myself. I just wish that instead of this huge pressure to be ‘perfect’ looking, that our society adopted a less judgemental outlook on physical appearance and instead, focused more heavily on the aspects of life that really matter.

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During ‘Love your body week’ in college, Maynooth students teamed together to make a video telling strangers that they were beautiful and filming their reactions. It was shocking to see how many people had never been told that they were beautiful. I mean, everybody should be told they’re beautiful. Everyone is beautiful, just in their own ways. I thought that it was sad. The fact that you’re not considered ‘beautiful’ unless you’re a size 8 with long blonde hair, blue eyes and an unlimited source of money to buy an unlimited, perfect closet of totally up to date clothes, is ridiculous!  I mean that’s like nobody right?

http://www.joe.ie/fitness-health/video-a-positive-message-from-the-students-of-nui-maynooth/542616

Our society in general is quite unhealthy. From the seriously high numbers of people, both younger and older with eating disorders to the obesity crisis that is rapidly taking over the western world. I think it’s because of the mostly very unhealthy perceptions of the food we eat and our body image. I had to write an Anthropology essay a while ago titled something like : “Tell me what you eat and I will tell you what you are.” I think that this is the overall mentality of Irish people – What you eat defines who and the type of person you are. If people changed their attitudes more to “Tell me what you eat and I will tell you how to change your diet in a bid to improve your health, strength and fitness in a way that fits your body’s particular needs and requirements”, I reckon our focus would shift a lot more to being a healthy nation rather than a ‘beautiful’ and extremely damaged nation!

image5Since starting college, I’ve tried to be exactly the person I want to be. I’ve worn all my ridiculous,totally over patterned clothes and not tried to hide things like my undeniable love for Disney and extreme obsession for my dog, Sally. It has made such a difference. I have been so much more comfortable in my own skin than I was in secondary school. I think that could be a huge part of learning to love yourself. Just being exactly the person you want to be and are. Flaws, Quirks and all. Refusing to conform to expected gender norms and societies’ totally unrealistic views on who we should and shouldn’t be, is totally liberating. I’ve found so many people who accept me for exactly who I am and love me for being me. That is a really great feeling! I think that being surrounded by people with a similar mentality to you and a positive outlook is one of the keys to being really happy! It’s a lot easier to feel good about yourself and your body when you are around others who are supportive.

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I’ve also found that taking even an hour out everyday to do something just for me is so important in helping me to feel good about myself. Weather it’s going for a walk, painting my nails, having a bath or just doodling. I always, always feel great after a bit of me time! Show your body some love.

Being organised also helps so much. I am actually the world’s worst procrastinator. If there is something else to do other than what I should be doing, I will find it. A great example of this is how I have exams in less than a week and an essay due and what am I doing right now? Writing this post and cuddling Sals. I’m also generally super unorganised. Everything from my room, to my entire life is a mess. But on the odd day that I stick to my to-do list and get everything that needs to be done, done, I feel great.

Since I’m not really great at being totally confident in myself yet, I looked up loads of tips on how to be more body positive. There were lots of shit ones but I picked out my favourites. 💅

  • Keep a top-ten list of things you like about yourself. Things that aren’t related to how much you weigh or what you look like. Read this list often! Add to it as you become more aware of things you like about yourself. (I know this a lot of effort but you are absolutely worth it!) ❤️
  • Be kinder to yourself. If you’re constantly thinking negative thoughts and criticizing yourself how are expected to be happy? Every time you realise that you are being mean to yourself, think… would you say that to a friend? No? well then don’t think it about yourself! – Try not  to be too judgemental of others or put them down either. It makes a big difference when you look for the best in people, rather than critiquing the bad. ❤️
  • If the weighing scales give you anxiety or make you feel shitty, throw them out. ❤️
  • Learn to accept compliments. It’s not an easy thing to do but it’s important. Instead of replying with, ‘Awh thank you, but I’m not at all!’ just simply  reply with ‘Thank you!’ ❤️
  • Don’t let yourself be defined by any bodily issue or limitation you may have. Your strength and self-worth are not dependent on that. ❤️
  • Exercise for the sake of feeling better – not to look better! ❤️
  • Be critical of the media. So many images are photo-shopped and just totally unrealistic and impossible to achieve. DON’T COMPARE YOUR BODY TO THOSE OF MODELS IN MAGAZINES! ❤️
  • Finally, ask yourself, why do you want to change how you look? Is it for yourself? Is it to be healthier or fitter? Or is it to please others? For other people’s attention and acceptance? If you’re not happy with yourself because of what you think others think of you, is it worth the emotional turmoil you’re putting yourself through? ❤️

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I know that it’s a little hypocritical of me writing all this when I struggle to take my own advice, but I’m trying! The more I think about it the more I realise how much time and energy I used to spend trying to please others, while putting myself second!

MAKE SURE YOU ALWAYS PUT YOURSELF AND YOUR HAPPINESS FRIST.

Mind yourself.

Smile always,

Kim. X 🌼