We got this, kids! ๐ŸŒˆโ˜€๏ธ๐ŸŒผ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿฝโค๏ธ

12 days left of camp and my first panic attack of the summer is well and truly under my belt. That being said though, one this whole time is still a huge achievement, I feel. Tiredness was a big factor in what happened along with feeling super homesick and anxious for a couple of days previous.I mostly managed to calm myself down before anyone really saw me too upset and by then I was just a bit teary and totally worn out. I was allowed some extra time to ring home and take a breather which helped a lot. โ˜Ž๏ธโœˆ๏ธโค๏ธ  

For a couple of days after the incident I was so angry at myself. I was disappointed that I had come so far without having an attack and couldn’t get my head around how I had let myself get into such a state. I really felt like I had let myself down. Everyone else can hold their shit together, why can’t I?! ๐Ÿ’ฉ๐Ÿ™„ 

This is a problem. This is one of the main reasons I write this blog. Stigma! ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก 

The actual truth is that no one really has their shit together 100% of the time. Everyone has a breakdown every once in a while; especially in an environment like camp. In reality, a lot of people have anxiety and panic disorders. A lot of people experience panic attacks. People just don’t realise this because of the stigma surrounding mental health. These type of things are not talked about sufficiently so when they do occur, people like me are ashamed and angry with ourselves. FOR REACTIONS OUR BODIES HAVE BECAUSE OF CHEMICAL IMBALANCES. 

Panic attacks are nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes they happen. We can learn how to reduce them and cope with them, but sometimes they happen. And you know what, that is totally okay! 

Now, taking a step back and reevaluating the whole situation, I’m mad at myself for originally being mad at myself! Before summer I was having like 3 panic attacks a week. I have been in America almost 2 months now and I have had 1. Even without taking into account how out of my comfort zone I am, that is pretty awesome! ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿฝ

One of the first weeks of camp, I was on my own with my girls for evening activity. The prospect of spending an hour and a half keeping 13 eleven year olds safe on my own terrified me. I totally freaked out and my anxiety levels were sky high. One of my friends saw that I was panicking and stepped in to help me out really early on. If she hadn’t I would have definitely ended t up in a state. 

A couple of days ago I was on my own with the girls from 6pm until past 11:30pm. When I first found out that I’d be on my own, I started panicking. Then something clicked inside me. I realised that we were all sitting down having dinner, my girls were all chatting amongst themselves and there was no issue. There was no need for me to panic! I decided that I was going to take the evening one step at a time, keep breathing and just ask for help if I needed it. 

By the time we got back to the bunk for bedtime everyone was happy. I had stayed calm the whole evening and the girls had all been superstars every step of the way. I was so happy with them and myself that I let them have a sleepover in each others beds. ๐Ÿ˜ด๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ™‚ 

I went to bed feeling like an absolute champion that night! 

Like I’ve written before, I started ‘College life when you’re 5″ nothing’ with the intention of helping me to discover more about and how to manage my chronic spells of anxiety and depression. Since beginning, I have done so much research and learned so much about mental health. I genuinely believe, among other factors of course, that my blog has been an essential element to my recovery. 

In saying that, I genuinely think that this summer has helped me to overcome so much! It’s definitely been the toughest thing that I’ve ever done but I feel like I’ve gotten so much out of it. 

Being in such a challenging environment and being away from all my loved ones I’ve started implementing coping mechanisms that I’ve read about, just in a bid to get myself through this experience day by day and I really think that I’m stronger. 

The fact that I kept 13 very headstrong young girls happy and safe by myself without panicking totally outweighs my one panic attack. 

There’s been a few people, both here at camp and at home that have disclosed to me about their person mental health struggles. Some of these people haven’t told many others for fear of being judged or looked at differently. I hope that if you’re reading this and that if you’re feeling a bit alone, that you’ll get some comfort out of knowing that I struggle too. That a lot of people struggle. You never really know what other people are dealing with. Don’t be ashamed. Don’t feel isolated. Please. ๐Ÿ’› You got this. We got this! Recognise you’re achievements, no matter how small they are. 

Aside from the anxiety, I’m generally doing great. Still missing home and Sally a lot, but I know that soon I’ll be home and wishing I was back in ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ so I’m trying not to wish my time away. ๐ŸŒผ ๐Ÿถโค๏ธ 


I’ll be coming home with plenty of stories, plenty of new skills, a whole new outlook and some horrifically bad tan lines. ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ 

Really looking forward to seeing you all back home. Nearly there now guys, no giving up now! ๐Ÿ”ฅ 

Have a great day, 
Smile always, 

Kimbo. X ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿฆ‹๐ŸŒบ๐ŸŒธ๐ŸŒป๐Ÿ‡ 

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Emotional breakdown no. 264749497494957391 ๐Ÿ˜ด๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜‘๐Ÿค’๐Ÿ˜ท๐Ÿคง๐Ÿค•โ›บ๏ธ๐Ÿ•๐Ÿšฆ

So this post is going to be a bit more emotional than the last because since the kids arrived at camp emotional is exactly what the time has been. Extreme emotions, both happy and sad. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ฅ๐Ÿ˜ด Although, I’m not going to write about any of the stories involving the kids. ๐Ÿ™…๐Ÿป

Camp is seriously full on. We are basically working from 7:30am when we wake up until 11:30ish pm, when we finally get to go to sleep. With just breakfast off, where we get to eat away from the kids and one rest hour after lunch; It’s exhausting and quite often gets too much. When around the kids which is almost constantly, you’re expected to be happy and patient and fair all of the time. This sometimes is just not possible. But the kids here are the most important ones, not us. We’re just the staff and that gets hard sometimes.


The camp bubble has started to get to me. I sleep talk a lot, all my friends will tell you. But now not only do I sleep talk but I give out to my girls in my sleep. The other night I got out of bed at 3am and started shouting at my girls to be quiet and that it was really late and that they needed to get into bed and go to sleep. They were all fast asleep at the time. I woke 2 of my co-councillors and 3 of my campers up in the process. This has since happened again. I also had a nightmare that we failed cabin cleanup. ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ˜ฅ
Camp is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. It’s crazy! Like I said, so tiring and so emotional but also so much fun. ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŒˆ
Some of the things I’ve seen and experienced here so far are nothing less than crazy!

Get this, so one of the girls in my bunk goes to school with Britney Spear’s kids.. like what! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

Being away from home has been hard. I am super close to my friends and family back home and I am missing them all a lot. Especially Sally! ๐Ÿถ ๐Ÿ’” There are days when I really struggle to keep up the smile. When I just want to run and sit in a corner by myself and cry while booking myself a plane ticket home. But there are also days where I laugh and smile and dance the whole day through. There are a lot more of the latter of course but the hard days are amplified in a setting like camp and everything just seems 100Xs harder. (IJC – It’s just camp, as they all tell us.)

The extremely challenging environment that is camp also has it’s benefits. I feel like I’m learning a lot about myself, my capabilities, strengths and my mental health here. Every so often I find myself taking a step back and just being amazed that I’m still here and that I’m still smiling (mostly) and that a lot of things that bothered me before camp don’t bother me here at all! While of course, some of my insecurities still get to me everyday, some of them have faded away.
Like I said before, camp is a bubble so maybe when I get back out into the real world I might be a little more conscious than I am presently but some of the steps I have taken here are huge for me!

I hate my toes and my feet. I legit freak out about people seeing my feet without socks on. For the first week or so here I kept my feet 100% hidden at all costs. Today I took the nail varnish off my toe nails and have been in flip-flops/ bare feet for the majority of the day. This sounds so trivial, but for me it’s huge.
Half the time I’m so late waking up in the morning here that during the 5 minutes I have between getting out of bed and leaving the bunk I don’t have time to even check the mirror. This is something I’m not used to at all. At home I require at lease a half an hour to obsess over every one of my perceived flaws before I leave the house.

Also, I’m going to throw in here that I haven’t had a single panic attack since getting here! I almost had one a couple of days ago but I managed to calm myself down in time. That also feels like a massive achievement! ๐Ÿฅ‚๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿฝ

Today was a rough day. It’s a really busy time at camp called college week. I was up until like 3am last night and then up at 7:30am again this morning for another full day of pep and cheer. But I didn’t feel cheerful. I was exhausted and run down. My girls were being difficult and it’s super hard to motivate a bunch of young children when you don’t feel on top of life yourself. I took some time and just cried. I didn’t have wifi so I couldn’t contact home which was all I wanted to do. I began questioning if I could do this anymore.

About an hour later my girls all gathered around me and apologised. That made me feel so much better and helped to put the smile back on my face. ๐Ÿ™‚

All the staff have these days and we are all struggling at the minute with the lack of sleep resulting from college week. Everyone today gathered together, gave each other hugs at every opportunity and just pulled one another through. We are all in this together. โค๏ธ I have known these people for 5 weeks and they already genuinely feel like family. โœจ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ’›ย 

Don’t get me wrong, camp is amazing! It’s a beautiful place with some beautiful people and it’s been such a wonderful experience so far. I’m having the time of my life. The adventures have been incredible and I have no doubt that the memories so far will last forever. I’m looking forward to all the challenges and surprises that the next 4 weeks throw at me. I am ready for it all.ย 

Being so far from home is difficult but I have no intention of giving up. Just a warning though, for any of you back in ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ช reading this, be prepared for the biggest hug of your lives and unlimited happy tears streaming down my face the next time I see you all. โค๏ธ Hope everyone’s having a great summer! ๐ŸŒŸ Don’t miss me too much…๐Ÿ˜‰ Also hope you guys, young (over 18 young) and old are all having plenty of ๐Ÿป๐Ÿฅ‚๐Ÿท๐Ÿน๐Ÿธ in Slevs for me! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’›

Genuinely love and miss you all endlessly. Keep shining and remember,
Smile Always,

Kimbo. X ๐ŸŒธ๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ‘’๐ŸŒˆโœจ๐Ÿฆ‹๐ŸŒท๐ŸŒผ