Humm so, the last week or two have been an absolute whirlwind of emotions. I am exhausted. The ol’ anxiety has run itself ragged, especially in the last week and I am FRIED.COM.
Welfare is going great, I think! It’s been a bit of a struggle but I’m really beginning to find my feet. (I know when the students arrive the rug will be ripped from under me again.. but I’ll be ready!) I struggled with technology a lot when I started. I can blog and instagram and that is the absolute limit to what I can do and I wish I was exaggerating. LOL. I needed a ‘teach Kimbo all technology hour’ that turned out to take almost three. But that’s okay! The others think I’m a bit of a goose, but sure, they wouldn’t be wrong! If you can’t laugh at yourself then who can you laugh at. 😁😂
In all seriousness though, the team have been so supportive and they’re all so lovely. I reckon I’m going to be exceedingly happy in the Union this year. And stressed. It’s not going to be easy but I think that by the end of the year I’m going to end up falling so in love with both this job and myself. I hope anyway. I reckon I’m about to learn exactly what I’m made of.
Like I said, the last week or so has been hard and very emotional for a bunch of different reasons. Everything just all seemed to happen at once, as it alway does. I know I seem to do this in all my blog posts but I really gotta include a shout-out to all of my friends here. They have, as always been insanely amazing. I literally could not life without them. I already think that they’re the very best people in the entire world but they literally never, ever fail to surprise me with how much support and love they show me. I don’t know how I ended up stumbling upon all of the greatest people in the world but somehow I did and I count myself lucky every day. As absolutely cheesy as that is. I think it is so, so important to always appreciate the people around you.
A few different people have asked me why I haven’t blogged in a while so I decided to do a post. Life has just been non-stop busy. It’s a really lovely feeling though, that people read the posts and have missed them. Thank you. ❤️
In the past couple of months I haven’t really stopped. I think it’s starting to catch up with me a little. I ended up getting majorly stressed so I decided to book tickets to Cardiff and go to visit Kat for the weekend. (My best friend from camp.) It’s been almost a year to the day since the last time I saw her and I’m absolutely buzzing. But I’m tired. I spent this week in Ulster University for a USI training week and there hasn’t been time to breathe, never mind stop. This is an issue because when I get tired I get emotional and my anxiety is blown out of all proportion.
I had quite a big panic attack on Monday night. Adam was in Ellen’s house at the time so when I rang Ellen in hysterics the two of them talked me down. They did exactly what I needed them to do; talked me through a breathing exercise and then, after I’d calmed down a little talked me through the situation I was in and spelled out exactly what I needed to do before going to bed. Finally they drilled in that they loved me and that it was all going to be okay. They are so unbelievably perfect. 💛
I’ve had a couple of extremely difficult case-works to deal with this week on top of everything else. While the job is totally confidential so my friends know nothing about what’s been going on, it hasn’t seemed to matter. They have been so understanding and there to reassure me the whole way which is really all I need. Just hugs all the time and the people around me telling me that I got this.
The fear of slipping back into the place I was in at the absolute height of my mental health difficulties is all too real and while I’m fairly confident I have the emotional intelligence now to stop myself falling down a complete rabbit hole, it’s times like this when I’m absolutely cream crackered that I panic even more about the fact that I’m panicking. That’s kind of reassuring though, right… that the Welfare and Equality Officer also struggles and can absolutely relate. Really, we’re all in this together and mark my words, we are all going to come out the other side stronger, happier and fighting for what is important to us!
On a different note I’m definitely finding my voice. I’ve fallen so in love with the people in the student movement. Everyone is so, so passionate and cares so much. The ideas people have are unbelievable and the work all these people are doing to fight for their students is mind-blowing.
I wasn’t sure when I started if I would fit into the student movement but I think I do! The people are the most wonderful and I’ve made so many funky, kind, beautiful friends. 🌹I’m increasingly growing less afraid of speaking up and I couldn’t be happier about that! I still don’t have my head around the world of student politics, but baby steps!
I’m going to go to Cardiff and breath. When I come home I’m going to take a little step back and focus entirely on getting ready for the year ahead.
One of the nights in Ulster, after a fairly full on day of training we went to a fun-fair. Paul (Clubs and Socs Officer) absolutely pressured me to get on to all of the crazy rollercoasters. I did them all. Very reluctantly!! But I did them with him. I even did a loop-de-loop one which, for someone pretty scared of those exceedingly dangerous contraptions, I thought was savage! Needless to say I made sure Paul came on the carousel with me at the end…😂
Paul kept telling me not to look at what I was about to do. To just close my eyes and get on. So that’s what I did. After the rollercoasters he pointed out that I’m a totally different person since the campaign and that I need to continue doing just that; closing my eyes and going for it. So, that’s what I’m doing. I booked the blood test I’ve been talking about for months and I’m going to get over my fear of needles. (Tattoo is next. 😉) Public Speaking is absolutely improving and I’ve stuck to my commitment of learning to believe in myself. I’m making very slow, but steady progress. Again, all in baby steps! 👣
For now though, I’ma go catch my flight, so keep on keeping on, kiddos. We got this.