Dearest all of my beautiful pals❤️

Dearest all of my beautiful pals, this is a letter to you. Whether we’re close and chat all the time, just a little or, we simply smile at each other when passing on campus. I’m about to explain to you all exactly what you mean to me- and to each other. Because we all value, in one way or another the people who make an impact on us. The people who make us smile.

I value the people in my life an awful lot. I seem to spend quite a lot of time totally taken back by the lengths people will, and do go for me on a regular basis. I try to acknowledge and be grateful for kindness all the time. Even for all the small tiny stuff.

And, by writing this letter and trying to explain to you all how much your kindness means to me and those around you, I also hope to inspire you to focus on being just a little kinder tomorrow. To go out of your way to do just one nice thing for someone, no matter how small. Because the smallest things make the biggest difference.

Life is tough! To all my closest pals; the ones who might as well be family. The ones who I complain to about how tired I am ALL of the time. The ones who I ring in floods of tears after getting on a train going in the opposite direction alone at night. The ones that even though they are several pints in..understand exactly how scared I am and calm me down, and send me the right travel information and snapchat me funny videos until I am home. Safe and sound and breathing again.                                                                                          The ones who encourage and incentivise me to face all of my fears and then hold my hand along the way. The ones that encourage me to laugh at every opportunity. The ones that not only share the same thought processes, but the same cycle as me. 😂                 The ones who slag me non-stop, but at the end of the day would do anything for me. The ones who wrap their arms around me and suddenly, I am safe.                                                                                                                                                     The ones who have believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. The ones who have taught me what I deserve and who I am. The ones who have seen me vom and cry and conquer; at my very worst and very best. The ones I drink cans with and chat and joke with all night. The ones that just really understand and know me.  The ones who make me smile everyday. The ones who support me endlessly with everything. The ones who have saved me, provided endless encouragement and support, made me who I am today and, the ones who have made me happy. 💛🌼

To all the people I have had coffee with. There are so many of you and I have never had a  bad coffee date in Maynooth! Coffee Dates have been the framework of my college experience so to say I have enjoyed every single one is impressive. Good chats always come with coffee. Thank you all and I hope you all continue to do coffee dates regularly. ☕️

To all the people who love me and are interested in me and my life and my stories. To all the people that believe in my ideas. To all the people that read my blogs. To the people that put aside time regularly, to see me. Thank you. ❤️

To all the people who have ever gone out of their way to help me at some time or another, thank you. I get muddled up and tied in knots on a regular basis and metaphorically speaking, if you all weren’t there catching me every time I tripped up I’d have broken every bone in my body by now.

To the people who understand and accept the fact that I need to stop and widdle every time I go anywhere. 💧

To the people who have laughed with me/ at me when laughing at my own jokes. 🐥

To the people I know from around and have maybe chatted to once or twice, thank you. You people keep life so interesting and inspiring. Stories that make me laugh while bonding over a pint(s). Or chats in the hallways or on the streets. In meeting rooms, waiting for public transport or in coincidental groups. Chatting is my favourite thing to do! 💕😂

To all my old friends and to all my new friends.

To anyone who has ever hugged me or waved at me. To the people who pass me on the street and smile. You make my day. I always notice and appreciate when people smile at me as I walk by. It’s such a simple thing, but it has such a big, warm impact. It slows the world down a little when it feels like its spinning. 🌍 A big friendly smile always makes me smile. It’s infectious and for all you know it could be the first time that person has smiled all day. SMILE AT THOSE AROUND YOU ALL THE TIME.

‼️Tell the people in your life how much you love and appreciate them always. ‼️

To the people who have trusted me, thank you. To the people who have actively played a part in helping me succeed and follow my dreams, thank you. To the people who have advised me. To the people who have provided me with opportunities.

Life is so tough! But, life can be so much easier when we show love and patience to those we meet. You literally never know when someone’s having a difficult day and the smallest act of kindness shown to them can turn it all around, or make it all a little more bearable. Give compliments, give hugs, smile often, be positive and try to believe in the power of positivity and kindness. Don’t put each other down, build each other up! Life is easier when we lean on each other. When we talk and listen to those around us. Really listen. Aim to make the lives of people around you brighter. Be honest. Be selfish sometimes. Look after yourselves too, but we’re all in this together and don’t forget that.

Thank you all for touching me in one way or another. I am honoured to be surrounded daily by thousands of amazing, different and inspiring individuals.

Thank you all for everything. I have no doubt that there are others saying the same thing too. It’s not just me you’ve touched. You have all touched so many other people’s lives in one way or another too. Don’t forget how important you are to the people around you. Even in the smallest ways. That’s really important.

Be well, pals. This time of year is hard. We’re all tired and we are all snuffly. ☔️ Christmas can be a difficult time of year too. Look after yourself first but also be kind to those around you. ❤️ Reach out if you’re struggling.

All my love and Smile Always,

Kimbo. X 🍄💫🐥🌻

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Baby steps 👣💪🏼✨

Man, this semester has been tough! The blog and life in general have had to take a back seat to college work. It’s been non stop, and I think a lot of people have felt in the same boat. It’s been overwhelming too. In my last post, I think I  kind of predicted a ‘breakdown’ coming and in some respects I was all too right.

So much has happened in my personal life on top of learning the ropes in a new job along with trying to Final Year. Yes, I’m taking about Final Year as a verb. 😴

Having so many of my closest friends studying abroad this year has also been tough. I’ve missed them all a whole bunch. One night a couple of weeks before Christmas after I’d had a really tough day I started feeling somewhat homesick?? Even though I was at home with dad and Sally, I was just missing all my M8s so bad. It was the strangest thing. 😥😂

But of course, my friends have still been there 24/7 from different countries and my college girls have been the best, as always! ❤️

It’s kind of funny because I am so, so aware of how amazing all of my closest friends are and how much they do for me and care about me but they still literally never fail to surprise me and constantly seem to prove themselves as ever more and more amazing. This is 100% an appreciation shout out to them all for dragging me through and I think I’ll actually be forever grateful to them for keeping me going. No point naming everything they’ve each done for me because I’d be here forever but, last night I had the worst panic attack I’ve ever had. I genuinely thought I was having a heart attack and I could not for the life of me calm myself down.

Anyway, I managed to get through to Adam who was with my other besto Ash and the two of them were absolutely hammered. Even in their questionable state of minds they immediately put their night on hold and totally talked me down. I was absolutely overwhelmed by how much they helped me last night and I’m so grateful they were there. This morning Alisha’s mom was going to call in after dropping her to the airport to check in that I was okay. This afternoon Ellen called over and had made me a ‘We’re just fine’ playlist so that if I ever panic like that again I’ll be prepared. She also brought me a little world map that I can scratch off all the places I’ve visited and remind myself how brave I’ve been. Then tonight Adam called over before he left to go back to Spain and didn’t leave until he was sure I had calmed down. (I got anxious again lol)

I mean, in the space of like 24 hours I’ve been totally surrounded by the best of the best. I am honestly the luckiest girl in the world. Without even telling them how much I needed them all they’ve surrounded me. ❤️

It was funny because especially over the last two months while the college work has been super intense for all of us in Third Year Social Policy, everyone has just pulled together. Everyone has been leaning on/ supporting each other and that’s been so nice.         -I was having a bit of a meltdown one morning in the library and three of the mature students in my course, who, I think were also somewhat freaking out, brought me for brekki to cheer me up. My Social Policy family are all legends, too! 💛

It’s proven as a comfort to have everyone else struggling along side me. I know that sounds so selfish, but I think the most comforting sentence in the world to hear when you’re overwhelmed is: ‘Don’t panic, I haven’t started either.’

The last couple of months, I haven’t been painting or doing much of what I enjoy. Keeping up with Emmerdale has been the height of the excitement and over the last two weeks I’ve even fallen behind in that. My anxiety has been sporadically intense and my mood has definitely dipped at points, especially as of late. I’ve just kept my head down, taken it all very much day by day and tried to prioritise my mental health where possible.

When I finished my last essay due before Christmas,  I burst into tears. I cried for a solid hour after finishing because I just could not believe I had made it to the end. I finally felt the biggest sense of relief and just pride. Pride in myself, that despite all the work, despite all the bumps along with way, despite a serious lack of sleep, despite everyone being away for the year, I had made it through final year assignment season no.1, and most of my first winter without medication in about seven years.

Christmas can be a really difficult time for a lot of people. Usually I’m not a fan at all, but this year my friends all travelled home for Christmas and I haven’t been as excited for Christmas as I was this year in years.

From the minute my last essay was handed in life started getting back on track. Seeing all my friends again was amazing and the hugs I got made everything okay again. ❤️ This Christmas was extremely busy between seeing everyone and working a lot and I’m pretty worn out. Exams start next week but I haven’t even had the time to panic about them yet, so I’m really hoping that the ol’ anxiety decides to behave! Two days after my exams end I’ll be on a plane to Slovenia to be reunited with Alisha and Cathal which is super exciting and I’m hoping will give me something to look forward to during the exams; so much so that I’ll be able to continue eating and sleeping during this exam season and remain somewhat sane. whether that will happen or not, I feel is possibly wishful thinking! 😂😴😳😥

I think this semester kind of reminded me how strong I am, as cringe as that sounds.

I spent New Years in Edinburgh for a camp reunion. I was extremely anxious before I left and had basically decided by the night before I was due to fly that I was not going. My anxiety was just debilitating and I had overthought the whole weekend so much that I wasn’t sleeping or eating and I couldn’t stop crying or getting sick. The Joys!

Anyway, once again my friends were quick to remind me that after America I can do anything. That if worst came to the worst I could just stay in my hostel room and catch up on some much needed sleep and that I was only an hour’s plane journey away from home.

I ended up going and having an absolute ball! I kind of reminded myself that I am much braver than I give myself credit for and that when it comes to being independent, after I’m done with all the overthinking it’s actually kinda grand! I came home absolutely delighted with myself and the really big, not so baby step that I had just taken.

A few days ago I went for a proper lunch in a little restaurant all on my own! This time one year a ago I would never have dreamed of doing that,  I just found myself being so hungry that I barely gave it a second thought. All these things seem so little but are all adding up. And I’m not going to let last night’s panic attack set me back. Alisha, my soul sister is constantly pointing out little things that I’ve started doing that I don’t even notice I’m doing, that before I never would have done, or at least done without freaking out. Just, like saying things to people that need to be said, or – eating in a restaurant on my own!

But the bottom line is that I made it, purely just by taking constant baby steps and now they’re all slowly turning into one big, giant step. I’m still here and still smiling. Mostly.

I’m pretty emotionally and physically exhausted at the minute but feeling so grateful for all the insanely amazing people in my life. (Sobbing a little rn..) ❤️😂

2017 was the most intense yet amazing of my life. I accomplished so much but I’m absolutely by no means done yet! 2018, I hope you’re ready for me and all of my goals.

I wish you all a super happy and healthy New Years filled with lots of luck, laughter, love and PLENTY of baby steps!

I promise I’ll get back to my blog more regularly after Slovenia. For now though, lots of love and for everyone facing into exams, best of luck!! It’ll all be over soon. We got this! ❤️ Also, never forget, no matter how hard things seem,

Smile Always,

Kimbo. X 🍃🍄🌟🌸🌼✈️💖✨

It’s not me, it’s you…😁

So, humm, I’m still not sure if this one is a good or a bad idea. It’s a very personal topic, but I suppose my blog is quite personal,really. So here goes… P.S. I’d rather you don’t bring up this post up during face-to-face conversation with me if we’re not really close… it could get really awkward really fast. Lol. Happy reading. ❤️

So, em, for this post I was gonna write about heart-break, as cliché and sappy as that is.

Firstly, I’d like to point out that I’m young and naive. I’m still pretty dumb and I feel I’m quite an uncool, nervous wreck that laughs a LOT at duck jokes. 🐣 I believe right now that, I know what being heart-broken feels like. Maybe, quite possibly though, I don’t have any idea and life still has to come along and f*#k me right up before I find out. Who knows?

What I do know is that whatever I’ve felt before hurts. It hurts a lot. I’ve been told by many ‘wise’ adults that falling in love, whatever that really is, at my age, 19; feels like the end of the world. I hope that falling so hard for someone too fast is just a phase and that I’ll grow out of it? ‘Cause, whoever gave me that little insight, is totally right. As much as it pains me to admit this publicly, it absolutely does feel like the end of the world.

Nothing, not the tears, ice-cream, long-runs, chocolate, best friend night-time calls for hours, heartbreak movies and music, nothing helps to forget the sadness. That horrible, uncomfortable, sad feeling in the pit of your stomach is just dulled for a while. It’s still there, though! For what seems like an eterrnity, it stays.

I am totally aware, and absolutely appreciate the matter that there is so much other tough things being faced by so, so many people around the world. I understand that in compared to what someone else might be going through, your ‘heart-break’ may seem trivial. Don’t think this way, please? I am a strong believer that, everyone is facing some kind of battle in their lives and everyone’s pain is just as relevant. ‘Heart-break’ hurts!

  • Just to note: I’m putting ‘Heart-break’ into inverted commas, ’cause I think it’s a word that means a lot of different things to a lot of different people and everyone conceptualizes the definition differently.

“Telling me that I can’t be sad because someone else has it worse is the same as telling me that I can’t be happy because someone else has it better.”

I’m not really sure if there is a cure to ‘heart-break’- except for time. Like I said, I’m not even entirely sure what I’ve gone through is the extent of the ‘heart-break’ that I will inevitably feel as I get older. I’m not really sure of a lot of things except that I hope it doesn’t get much worse!

All I know is that the sun always reappears eventually and almost everything seems a little brighter in the morning after a good night’s sleep and lastly, a questionable ‘glass’ of wine is never a bad idea. 💛

Quite some time back I was feeling quite sorry for myself, cuddled in jammies, in bed with my teddy, trawling the internet for ‘heart-break’ remedies and I stumbled upon this letter to some bodies’ ex boyfriend’s new girlfriend. It wasn’t exactly relevant but I just loved it and the underlying hurt and anger that this (presumable) girl felt provided some comfort. Just knowing that I wasn’t the only person feeling a bit shit. (As so unbelievably self-centred as that sounds!) 😑

Enjoy dwelling on the feelings of hatred, sadness and rage for a minute… ❤️❤️❤️😉 :

I know why you fell for him. His eagerness to share everything about his childhood, his family, his fears, his aspirations. He didn’t play games with you. He texted you when he was free and he let you know when he was busy.He sat with you forehead to forehead telling you that he’s over “playing around” and that all he wants is to fall in love—with you. He swears he’s never felt the way he does now. But what you don’t know yet is that he’s into playing around with your heart.
He’s good at making you feel special. He’s amazing at drawing you in. But this is what he does. His passions are tidal waves that take him over. He won’t think about anything else other than what he’s focused on at that moment in time. And right now you’re it. You’re his obsession. He doesn’t think about anything that isn’t you and you feel chosen, you feel special, you feel unique, and you feel loved in a way you didn’t know was possible.
It doesn’t last. He can’t focus his attention on you forever. He’ll move on to something new, and he won’t kick you out of his life, but you’ll start to wonder what you did wrong. You’ll wonder if it’s just your relationship calming down, or if he’s starting to forget how brilliantly he used to believe you shined.
Don’t let it hurt you. Don’t let it deter you.
He probably still loves you. When he commits to something he sees it through until the bitter end. He loves passionately. But when he stops prioritizing you, you’ll have to figure out if he’s all that you thought he was.
Here’s what you deserve: His attention. His affection. His time. His patience. His support.
Here’s what you don’t deserve: A relationship maintained through text messages. His uncertainty of whether he has time to see you. His anxiety upon “having” to plan dates with you. Having conversations consistently turned away from you to focus back on him.
You deserve more than the man I used to know. And I hope that you not only know that, but that you don’t need to know that, because that man doesn’t exist anymore.
I can’t say that I was thrilled when I learned he was seeing someone new, but I can say that I sincerely hope you’re the one for him. I hope you teach him how to love you consistently, and appropriately. I hope that when he tells you he loves you, he actually believes it. I hope he doesn’t bring tears to your eyes regularly, and I hope you make him smile that wide, unbelievably genuine smile that I will always remember in the back of my mind.
And, if it turns out that you two are not meant to be, I hope you aren’t broken by him. There will be others who prove themselves to be worthy of your love. He might need more time to figure out exactly what he wants, to learn how to balance his passions, and to realize that the word “love” should not be so easily given and taken. It won’t be your fault if he hasn’t figured this out yet.
Take care of him because he might be worth it. Take care of yourself because you definitely are.  

-I think I’ll always hate you just a little though. Good luck hun.  Much love, actually, not that much love,

Kimbo. xxx

While, I’m not even sure anything that I’ve just written is relevant to anybody reading this, I hope it is because otherwise, this is just really, really embarrassing. If it is even somewhat relevant, I’m sorry and I hope things work out for the best, either way. Although I don’t think  I have advice worth even listening to, the one thing that I 100% believe is; that happiness is the best form of revenge! Better yourself, For you though. Nobody else. ❤️

If none of this is relevant, I would appreciate if you don’t judge me for how weird I am and still love me unconditionally…?  😁😂❤️🙊

The expected thing for me to say now is: “Don’t worry, there are still plenty of fish in the sea.” However, I think that there is little that is much less comforting than this statement. Being an avid Disney fan an’ all , Instead, I will rather advise you to ‘Just keep swimming.’  💧 🐟  🐠  🐋  🐳  🐬  🐙  🐡  🐚  🐢

So for now, Just keep swimming  ❤️ and of course,

Smile Always,

Kim. X 🌼

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